Bully For You

Advice on navigating the tricky world of bullying

Raising children means entering a tricky terrain that does not end even when the kids have left school. Of course, there are many, many wonderful moments along the way, but the ugly head of bullying - in one form or another - is one that most parents will likely have to face.

Recognising the signs

Just as you would be on the lookout for symptoms of a physical illness, the same applies for mental health issues. So, look for changes in mood or behaviour: withdrawal, anxiety, reluctance to go to school or unexplained injuries.

Issues may also present as changes in sleep, appetite or confidence. Also, notice if belongings are frequently “lost” or damaged and observe behaviour when asked about it.

Having ‘the conversation’

Choose a calm, private moment to talk in a place your child feels safe. Listen without judgment, and avoid reacting with immediate anger or panic, as this is not helpful! Then work to start reassuring your child that they are not to blame and that you’ll work together to resolve it.

Focusing on their inner world

Being the victim of bullying can destroy confidence, so validate their emotions - fear, embarrassment, or shame are common - and remind them of their strengths. You can also encourage keeping a diary, drawing, or talking to a trusted adult.

Seeking help

Contact the class teacher, head of year or club leader as a first step. It’s worth keeping a written record of incidents (dates, times, what happened) and then, if needed, escalate with a formal letter to the headteacher or governing body.

Schools have a legal duty to protect pupils from bullying and must act, and with that in mind it is best not to confront parents of other children directly as this can lead to conflict.

Guidance

Help your child in conflict situations, such as by encouraging calm responses like walking away, using assertive body language or seeking help from an adult. For cyberbullying (the scourge of modern parenting), block/report the bully and save evidence (such as screenshots).

Away from things, encourage positive friendships and activities that build resilience and remind them often that they are loved, valued and safe. Pursue activities that boost confidence, such as sport, clubs and creative hobbies, and if bullying affects their mental health, consider professional support or helplines.

Mostly, remember that you are not alone and there is always support available for you and your child, regardless of circumstances.